Ever since I was very little people have said that I make mountains out of molehills, as an adult one even told me that I made my own mountains, when I was little phrases such as these made no sense to me, but as I grew older I came to learn that it meant that in addition to problems that life had in store for me that I too added to my struggles. When things are unknown to me my mind goes to what I call the Bad Place. I catastrophize the worst outcomes there, never are the outcomes of a positive conclusion, the more time given between outcomes the worse things become in my mind. Over the years I have made friends only to have them vanish without a word or trace after years, they just stopped being in contact with me, I still have no idea why. This does not stop me from remembering them which in turn causes me to type off missives sent out to the four winds wishing them well and hoping that they will soon be in touch, sometimes I fill them in on my life, but mostly send them wishes of good will and hopes that they reply. Years go by, some even decades, and still I tear up when I think of them and then I write. Some people say, when will I learn, but this hope hiding beneath the tears is what sustains me, even if in my darkest hours in quiet night it is long forgotten.
Friday, November 10, 2017
Sunday, June 18, 2017
Saturday, April 1, 2017
During this Autism Acceptance Month let us not forget to welcome the formally diagnosed, the self-diagnosed, those who are questioning, or those that we might guess to also be on the Spectrum through our own observations. Autistic-radar is a thing! Let us extend the hand of friendship as it were: (please remember that there are those who do not wish to be touched unexpectedly so treat this as a figurative statement), to the out-casts, the lonely people, etc. There is a vibrant support community of like-minded souls, whether you be out or still in closet as it were, on social media that is available for you to find and suggest that others seek out too.
I have heard for years that online friends were not true friends, only those you know in the flesh are, but I beg to differ for many Autistics we are more at home online than our non-Autistic counterparts due to the fact that there is no need to attempt to decipher body language, tone of voice, etc. in order to communicate, there written word reigns supreme. I have been chatting with people online since 1998 and have never looked back, I feel more at home there than anywhere else.
I have never been one to talk about girlie things like fashion, hair, nails, celebrity crushes, etc. I cannot understand such interest/cannot relate, I on the other hand crave chats about nature, animals, politics, movies, tv shows, and books, the latter few tend to be of the sci-fi fantasy genres respectively. Have always been more myself and more accepted talking with guys; they always are interested in such cool things. Groups I tend to frequent are majority male, for me this is preferable. I too have been an outcast sometimes even in groups that I have created, it is hard for me to get to know people/read people; unless things are blatant I miss things entirely. I have trouble entering conversations even in a group of people I am familiar with if I come upon them already conversing, I do not know how to enter in their conversation, I tend to hang around the periphery and then just disappear.
Many on the Autistic Spectrum struggle to read people and situations, subtleties are lost on us. This month above all others please try to welcome someone into your social group or gathering or online chat and be blatant about your desire for them to join you - someone who moves and acts like you do it will be appreciated. Make a new friend, share a smile, include someone new, everyone appreciates being part of something bigger than themselves.
In closing, please remember that Autism Acceptance is more than just you accepting your own Autism or that of your child, but more so as society as a whole accepting Autistic people stims and all on our terms, together we can make a better a more inclusive world for all.
Happy Autism Acceptance Month to one and all.
Thursday, March 2, 2017
Many of us in the disability community take part in some sort of activism whether it be solely online or in-person or a combination of the two. I applaud all of our efforts. It really comes down to our level of comfort dealing with people en masse, a.k.a. the number of spoons we have available to us on any given day. Many of us have comorbidities that impact our choices for activism, but that does not mean that the choice we make to take part and express ourselves should be deemed any less important than others are. I for one feel more at home online and have been known to take part in many different protests via twitter and blog posts over the years. Online activists/protesters do not have to hear verbal shouts of derision or face any form of physical violence in-person, that is not to say that one does not encounter violence of another sort where people feel more free to show disdain and spout vile hateful ableist rhetoric online, whatever comes into their minds all the while cowardly hiding behind the safety of their computer screens. Cyber-bullying is just as invasive and in many cases even more so than in-person bullying because when one is home and alone one can still be targeted and harassed no matter the distance away the “attacker” is in the physical world. Such attacks cause just as much PTSD as their in-person physical ones, but in many cases the pain and harm they cause is even deeper. I do not like to invite such attacks so do not engage with individuals one on one online as others in my community to do on a regular basis, I could not take the self-hate and internalized ableism that would be a result of such attacks from awful people trolling the net for the sole purpose of creating havoc and leaving harm in their wake. Face it people many of these perpetrators spew their vitriol for their sheer entertainment and when we take the bait we are playing right into their hands.
I in turn use general political, etc. hashtags and take part in #cripthevote or just speak my mind in my own personal twitter and also sign online petitions. Those who do not engage others in-person but find it makes it easier to express yourselves online do not think that this diminishes the value of your activism; we too are fighting to make the world a better place for disabled people. I applaud Autistics who do engage one on one ,on a regular basis, you are brave beyond any measure I can express because time and time again you go to battle with these trolls, lick your virtual wounds and there you are again back in the fray fighting another day. Many of those who do go toe to toe with such hateful trolls find strength in the community and the fact that we do support their efforts knowing full well our own limitations and lack of spoons to do it ourselves, but as they say someone has too. I applaud the TRUE Autistic warriors taking on non-Autistic trolls online who only like to bait and taunt us for their own enjoyment and care nothing of learning the truth about what life is like for #ActuallyAutistic people. I thank you for your fighting. Stand strong against adversity, with every demon vanquished another arrives in your path, let them not get you down, keep fighting, but also remember to look out for number 1 as they say, safe-care and knowing ones limits is paramount. Also do not forget to ask for help and advice when you need it, others may be able to shoulder some of the burden when you are out of spoons. Don’t let anyone diminish your efforts with hate-speech. Fight the good fight.